Things I’ve learned on my crutches. 

1. Assholes like to park in the handicap parking spots, for fun.  I like to tell them that it’s a $500 fine.

2. Wear long shirts.  The crutches will pull up your shirt with every leap eventually leaving your midsection exposed for the world to see.

3.  Don’t wear button up shirts -rather shirts that come unbuttoned easily.  With every leap and hop, the crutches will pull your shirt open, leaving your naked chest exposed for the world to see.

4. Crutches make alot of people nervous.  They get that nervous laugh/smile and look around as if they don’t know what to do.  Weird.  It’s just some metal and padding.

5. Those handicap carts at Heb have GREAT handling.  I could do donuts in those things.

6. Crutches are not allowed in prisons.  Hm…… little did I know…..

7. Hopping burns a hella lotta calories.

8. Don’t wear low ride pants/shorts.  They will inevitably fall off your ass as you hop.

9. Old ladies feel sorry for you.  It is not a great way to pick up young men.  They get nervous.  However, people in general want to help you.  Even others with missing limbs will hold open doors for you and carry things to your car.

10. Immates in prison really want to help you.  They want to hold open doors for you, get drinks for you, and hold chairs for you.  They also want to hold the perimeter gates open for you too!

11. Upper body strength.  It’ll hurt the first few days, then you’ll have nice biceps and pecs.  Oh, and bruises under your armpit.  Ouch.

12. Driving with just your left foot isn’t too difficult.  Driving with just your left foot in the rain can be hell.

13. The walking boot does not make people nervous, and it is a great conversation starter.  Great way to pick up young good looking men.  And yes, I’m still single.

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